Chapter 2, Engle & A deep dark secret

(Original posting date: 12/1/11)

In 2001, I met the father of my two children. I do have to give credit where credit is due. Steve and I met shortly after I started my journey at regaining my mother/daughter and sister relationships. Still bitter but, on my own and working… for what? I don’t know what future I was working towards but, we met at a mutual friend's party and clicked. Shortly after meeting and getting to know him, I met his family. It didn’t take long for me to see how close his family was. Whenever one was in need the family was there for each other. It's exactly what I wanted with my family! 

Shortly after that I became pregnant with our first son who was born June 1st 2002. I never thought in a million years I could love a human more then I had already loved him before I met him. It wasn’t easy. I dropped out of high school and tried to convince myself this was the best thing for our situation. In May of 2004, Steve and I decided to get married for all the wrong reasons. We had a son and on December 17th, our second son joined the family. 

Steve and I both knew we loved each other but weren’t “in love” this time. We both tried to convince each other this was for the best. After 10 years it was apparent the convincing was no longer going to work and decided to go our separate ways. This held more heartache and more trial and errors. But, fortunately, for me, a year before our split I knew something was missing in my life. I loved being a stay at home mom but I knew I couldn’t have this forever. The kids would be going to school soon and I would need something to pass the time. They were my life. I spent every moment I could with my babies and I was to be a role model. How were my kids going to succeed if their own mother didn’t succeed? So, another chapter began as I enrolled in school, returned to being a provider, got divorced and became a single mother.  Somehow in the midst of it all, I battled my biggest battle and achieved one of my biggest achievements in my life.


 Removing my walls & revealing the deep dark secret that changed me:

"We have three choices in life; give up, give in, or you give it all you got.~ Unknown." 

Battle wounds are the hardest to hide when they show on the outside. Somewhere between losing my father, trying to re-connect with my family, being a young mother and in a relationship that was destined to fail, I hid from the world and found comfort in food. There’s a memory from 2007, that is etched in my mind that would ultimately change me for the rest of my life!  

I was 23 a mother of two and 215 pounds. This was not how I picture my life, this was not the person I knew or wanted to look like. In my eyes I was far from being that princess I was supposed to be as a young child.

 A normal trip to the park and that memory that’s etched in my mind would change me forever. It was a beautiful warm day, the sun was shining and the birds were singing. I was enjoying the morning cup of java that all mothers sip,and prayed that the kids would remain sleeping long enough for me to get to enjoy at least half a cup! But, before I knew it…there was the all too familiar sound when the kids were awake. 

I followed our normal routine, changed the diapers, fed and clothed the kids! But,  today I would skip the naps and head to the park instead.  And this would be the day I realized I wanted to lose weight! In my mind I wanted it bad enough and I was going to succeed. So you are probably wondering on any normal day what changed?

You take your child to a park filled with kids running everywhere. You try to weasel your way through the wood obstacle course and up to the slide. Then, you try to slide down the slide with your child without your hips stopping you, then get to the bottom and have a little kid standing at the bottom say, “you're too fat to go down the slide.”  Then you watch that little boy run up to his mother and tell her how you're too fat and could barely get down the slide. Then as your child asks you to go down the slide one more time, you out of breath say, “not now son, mom needs a break." Next, you sit there and watch your child run up and down the park with no one to play with because his mom is too fat, her hips stop her from going down the slide and she’s out of breath! That’s the moment that changed my life! That’s when I learned for every time I failed, I was the only one that could pick myself back up.

It has to be a life change. It’s not a change you change for a few months or years but, forever! You have to have determination & dedication right from the start or hang it up now! My advice is deal with it now before it takes over your life.  Otherwise like myself, it’s a constant battle for me.  I see food and I hate food, I eat food and I feel fat and hate myself.  My marriage and the divorce did not help me. I told myself if I lost weight maybe I would be good enough to be loved... I was wrong…and that’s when I failed and learned my first lesson in dieting.

You’re going to get bumped off the wagon every now and then, that’s when most people fail. What you need to keep in mind is that getting back on the wagon the next day and saying “I can do this," is what helps people succeed. You will go through trial and error, but you will learn from those mistakes. It took me 3 years! YES, 3 years to lose 50 lbs and another year to lose a total of 95 pounds. My journey isn't over.  I am not where I want to be... just yet! But, I have came this far and will continue to travel until I get there! 

Xo, Kiki;

Karen is the owner of Boutique Marketing Studio & blog owner of My Life, Your Entertainment. “My life, Your Entertainment,” is a real-life, non-sugarcoating blog by yours truly! I am a mother of two teenage boys (Lord, I know you love me). I am a pilot bride who envies her groom’s love for flying. I find humor in the little things and will laugh until my belly hurts. I am stubborn, I cuss worst than a sailor. I am too outspoken, I drink, I have tattoos, I drive a fancy truck and I am addicted to chocolate. I love hard and trust too easy. However, I can build a wall to protect my heart faster than an airplane taking off at 130 knots. The life motto that I have, and will, always live by is, “On a wing and a prayer.” My life, my family, and all its beautiful chaos, takes place in the beautiful Great Lakes State. You will find that my blog talks about all of the things I have passion for: life, marriage, kids, marketing, hobbies… you name it! I hope somewhere, there is a soul or two I can speak to. So, stick around and don’t forget to subscribe! Xo, Karen;


1 comment

  • Adrianofresk

    Nicely put. Regards! online loans instant approval

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